Monday, November 9, 2009

"You thought by now you'd be so much better than you are... Hold on/ One more time with feeling/ Try it again/ Breathing's just a rhythm..."

Hi everybody!

Sometimes in recovery, it seems like you're taking two steps forward and one step back. And... you guessed it... in classic Hannah form, I've taken a step back. I spent all weekend resting and sleeping to try to get rid of the kidney infection, to no avail. The good news is, the doctor did NOT send me to the hospital today! And the antibiotic I started on Friday should wipe out the pyelonephritis (fancy name for kidney infection) eventually. I'll be on the antibiotics for another 10 days... ugh. I'm really paranoid that the antibiotics will somehow mess up my stomach and make my UC symptoms come back. I know that this is a slightly irrational fear, but I'll be glad when I can come off the antibiotics. Lots of yogurt and probiotics and stuff will help. This infection is something I can't mess around with, though.

Between that and the steroid withdrawal, I feel pretty awful. My heart rate is really high and my blood pressure is really low. So I feel nervous from my heart pounding all the time, but also very dizzy and shaky since I have no blood pressure. This is from taking a lower dosage of the steroids, and it makes me feel lousy. I also feel wildly emotional... which is also from the steroids. Additionally, I am sporting a fat little chipmunk face. Cute. I really hate steroids, but must admit they have a purifying effect - they bring my sin to the surface and help me to see myself as I really am - a sinner in need of God's help every minute to keep that sin in check.

This week, I'm allowed to go to class as long as I get a ride (no more walking) and stay on strict bedrest whenever I'm not physically sitting in class.

I'm getting a little tired of still being sick. The doctor was like, "Again?" as I walked in. I promise, I'm trying as hard as I can to be healthy. I want so badly to be better, to be normal... but I'm not yet. Historically, nothing has ever been easy or smooth about my recoveries, for some reason. Like I told my mom during my third hospitalization in October for the mystery pain thing, "I can't even get sick right!" While I want to be better right now, like I've said before, this is an investment - a little rest and feeling crummy now, then I'll have the rest of my life to be healthy.

Please pray that I would recover quickly from this infection and that my kidneys would not be damaged.

Also pray for me as I continue to come off steroids. I was hopeful that this time wouldn't be as bad... but it looks like it will be. I don't know why, but my body has an extremely hard time bouncing back from steroids. Pray that God's grace would be enough - physically, emotionally, and spiritually (as well as ecumenically and grammatically? 10 points to whoever catches the reference) and that I would not be discouraged, but fix my eyes on Him and show Christ to the world by my life.

Please continue to pray for my family. My parents made a trip down to Fort Worth late last night because I had a minor emergency with some post op stuff and the doctor on call recommended I go to the hospital to get checked out. Thankfully, everything resolved on its own and no trip to the ER was necessary... but it still killed their night of sleep. Pray that God would give them peace and rest.

Join me in praising God for the incredible love and support that my family, friends, and roommates continue to show. They are a HUGE encouragement to me and I'm so blessed by each one. Also praise God for the work He is accomplishing through this trial.

Hannah ;)


  1. Come, my children, and you will hear
    of the midnight ride from there to here.
    It was the ninth of November (or maybe the eighth)
    When we left Grapevine to go to your place..

    More to follow..


  2. I'm fairly certain that you were referencing Pirates of the Carribean. ;)

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you. Your godly outlook has been such an encouragement.