I am still stuck on rice cereal and jello - even that is hurting my stomach, so there's been no talk of tapering off TPN just yet. My white count started going back up again last night, and my stomach feels more "sore" and painful in general, so I'm hoping that some of these symptoms are just from the infection being out of control. The doctors are discussing the addition of yet another antibiotic to try to get rid of this infection. The drain continues to drain, which indicates that there is still yucky infection in my abdomen.
Lest I post completely negative stuff, allow me to update that I am way less swollen. I didn't have knees or ankles for the first week and a half out of surgery. The fluid balance there has been improving since I started the TPN and have been more mobile. My stomach is also going down - I felt like I was about 38 weeks pregnant. My stomach was so swollen that my incision was pulling apart and I literally couldn't breathe at times! It has shrunken considerably since the procedure to drain the larger-than-softball-sized abscess - hmm... think that was compressing things a little? I am more mobile each day - I can get in and out of bed and bend and stuff with relative ease. The last thing to come back is the ability to sit! I'm so sore! Today, I sat for about an hour for the first time since surgery. Progress!
I feel so very overwhelmed if I allow myself to think about the future... I just can't imagine feeling this way forever. I hoped so much that this surgery would bring relief. I know it's probably too soon to say one way or the other...I am continually disciplining my mind to refocus. There are only two things I can focus on without becoming anxious: one is right now, on today, on this moment. To not worry about the rest of my life or next week or tomorrow... or even the next hour. To make myself stay in the present - to look for who and what God has for me RIGHT NOW (Matthew 6:34, James 4:13-15). The other thing I can focus on is what will never change - who God is, what He has done for me (see the Psalms. Like all of them). God gives me peace with this super close-up vision and super long-distance vision.