Okay, about the eating thing... I think I have a weird mental block about eating. Eating isn't really pleasurable for me anymore. I just associate it with nausea and pain, and I don't ever really feel hungry. So even when I'm feeling good (not super nauseated, not so much pain), it's still hard for me to eat. I have to distract myself and not think about what I'm doing while I'm eating. And if someone comments about the fact that I'm eating or asks me how the food is "going down," I start overthinking it, get totally psyched out, can't eat, and start feeling sick. I know. I'm a nut job. But I'm working on it, and I think it's improving. I just have this weird love/hate relationship with food. I love to think about food and I remember how fun cooking and eating can be. It's such a social event, and so when you don't want to eat, it's very isolating. Long story short, eating is not fun right now. But hopefully I'll get back there one of these days! I do get very proud of myself when I can/do eat, and this whole UC experience has given me a much greater empathy and understanding for people with eating disorders!
I'm really, truly doing better overall! I am just so so worn out from the last two days at work, but I'm making it and functioning! My joints are flaring up. They aren't horribly painful, just really weak, so they randomly give out, which is amusing (or not). Despite being so tired, I am having trouble sleeping because I'm hurting, which is a real bummer. But during the day, my pain is so much better overall, even though I'm cutting back on my pain meds (sorry, GI doctors, maybe I'm destroying my gastroparetic stomach, but I haven't stopped them yet. It's this weird thing I have where I'd rather not be incapacitated by horrible pain). The improved pain is truly wonderful, and I am so thankful! Hopefully this is an upward trend that will continue!