Saturday, October 9, 2010

BUH-Bye, Mr. Clean!!

Notice anything different about me?? That's right; Mr. Clean bit the dust yesterday! I am no longer trying to hide two feet of tubing and a bulb under all my clothes. Now I'm just hiding some wicked awesome scars and a bag of poop and a bandage where Mr. Clean used to be.

I almost didn't get Mr. Clean out. I drove an hour to the clinic, only to find out that Dr. A had been called into emergency surgery! Of course, I didn't want to bother him with a little thing like a drain removal while he's cutting on someone to save their life! So I said I'd wait. The nurse asked if I could come back on Tuesday morning to have it removed. I reassured her that that wouldn't be necessary; I could just pull the drain out myself. She started singing a different tune and agreed to page Dr. Sidekick (Dr. A's sub, who I saw in the hospital and who ran the CT that found the abscess to begin with. Elizabeth carbon dated him and found him to be about 13 years old. She's right, but he must be a little older, since he has a wedding ring and is a "real" doctor [this is as opposed to the "fake" doctors - the interns and residents who wouldn't know an ileoanal anastamosis if it hit them between the eyes]).

Dr. Sidekick, thankfully, was free and came up to the clinic for me! Mr. Clean came out (which felt... weird) and Dr. Sidekick told me to watch out for fevers and stomach pains that would indicate that more fluid is accumulating. This would be very bad. He also explained to me what's happening when I'm "pooping" blood (sorry, not sure how else to put it). They sewed me shut, but since I had that massive fluid collection and infection in my abdomen, nothing has closed up and healed properly yet. My slightly immunosuppressed state also is likely contributing to this. The abscess is basically also draining down through the not-healed area. So long story short... I can expect the bleeding to continue for several weeks. Awesome. But I was very thankful to finally get a satisfactory explanation for what is happening.

Here's the irony to me: why did I had this surgery? Hm... To make it so I wouldn't poop blood. Guess what? 6 weeks, one major surgery, an ICU stay, several blood transfusions, 3 weeks on TPN, 1 jumbo-sized abscess, and 1 drain placement later... I am still running to the bathroom to poop blood. I'm supposed to be all sewed up down there! This should be impossible! Only my body would find a way to do this... I personally think it's hysterical in theory, but it is admittedly slightly less than hysterical in practice.

Dr. A finished being a hero and came up to the clinic. He looked tired. Dr. Sidekick was writing me a note for school about my hospital stay (It's a long story, but I need the note for school even though I'm not in any classes right now). I had to give him the dates... it was a lengthy stay. I asked Dr. A about that. If you remember, he promised 5-10 days in the hospital. He told me that the blood loss thing definitely contributed... and then he dropped the winning phrase, "And, Hannah, I think we've established that your body does not respond normally to surgery." That's one way to put it, Dr. A! ;)

Dr. A is nice, but I don't think he quite gets it. When I saw him last week, he instructed me to get off steroids and pain meds, eat more, gain weight, and exercise more. Kind of like in James... ""Go in peace, be warmed and filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?" These are all things I want to do and am trying to do... but I CAN'T yet. And I don't think he knows how I can get there, either. His genius advice on eating: "Try to eat foods you like." How many years of med school do you think it took to learn THAT helpful pearl of wisdom? ;) Really, though, I do not blame him; I'm just beyond his specialty. He's a Colorectal surgeon (although I'm not sure if that's how he introduces himself at social events. Kinda a conversation killer, don'tcha think?), and I don't have a colon OR a rectum! So there's really nothing more he can do to me (ahem, sorry, "for me"). I have to see him one more time, in January, then I sincerely hope we shall part ways.

Of course... this morning I woke up with a high fever and stomach pain. Hoping and praying that this is just the flu or something, not the return of an abscess!

Hannah ;)

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