Mainly, this blog is a sort of weird therapy or outlet for me. It's easier for me to write about my struggles than to talk about them. Writing allows me to process through everything and God typically uses that to tweak my attitude and perspective as is so often needed. ;)
A lot of unexpected things have happened in the last year, many of them very painful and not fun, but I say with complete honesty that God has used them all for good.
I'm so thankful for all you readers, for those who follow and pray and comment... You all encourage me so much, and I hope that somehow Semi Colon helps you in some way... even if it's as simple as, "Wow, glad I'm not Hannah!" Just kidding!!!! ;) Anyways, to all of you who read these long-winded ramblings... sometimes I wonder why you read the gross stuff I write about. You people need new hobbies! ;) But really, truly, I appreciate you all quite a bit, and I do apologize for the oversharing and venting here on Semi Colon.
One of my nurses was from the Philippines. As I told him my story, he commented that I would be dead if I lived there. Now I have a bit of a guilt complex about being alive, ;) but really, it's quite true. There is no way I would have survived everything if I weren't here in the US, and even here, I've had a brush or two with death. Additionally, I didn't have health insurance until college, and without the amazing insurance God provided through TCU, I would never have been able to see the specialists I needed or have some of the treatments and medicines that gave me a few good months. God has so clearly preserved me and saved me numerous times.
Sometimes I do honestly wonder why me... but not "why do I have to suffer?" I wonder, "why am I alive?" Why has He chosen to bring me through to the other side of such sickness and suffering? Why am I able to live when so many other people don't even have clean water or basic medical care? I am not sure why He's blessed me so much. But the most important way that He saved me wasn't physically saving me from death from UC or pancreatitis or surgery complications. You see, even though I'm alive and I know God has saved my life, I also know that I will one day, in fact, die. So the most important way God saved me was when He saved me from my own sin. I was enslaved to sin, a worse disease than UC. I was living for myself, I couldn't even live up to my own conscience's standards, much less God's standards. I didn't have the power to turn to God. But Christ died for me when I was still a sinner, and by faith in His death and resurrection, I have peace with God and I'm free from the terrible disease of sin. Now, instead of facing eternal separation from God after I die, I look forward to an eternity of worshipping Him. On that day, I will be entirely free from sickness, suffering, and sin. I will be free to worship God perfectly without any of the imperfections I have now.
Happy Birthday, Semi Colon...