I went to the pain doctor on Wednesday - my appointment with Dr. Pain got rescheduled, so I was seeing a different doctor. He was a slightly bitter, middle-aged guy in cowboy boots. Cowboy Dr walked in and said, "Golly, girl, I was reading your chart... whatcha got left in your guts that they haven't taken out?" ;) We talked for a while, then he said, "Why're ya shakin' so much?" I told him I was really hurting this week for some reason. He gave me "a lil somethin' to get you through the holidays:" some VERY strong meds. I've never taken any pills that are this strong! Then he asked me if I'm on any meds for stress and anxiety. I told him that I wasn't particularly stressed or anxious. He replied, "Well, I would be if I were goin' through what you're goin' through!" I'm thankful that God has blessed me with supernatural peace, as well as such amazing support from my family and friends - without Him, I would not be able to handle this. And without y'all, it would be much harder.
Anyways, this week has been a challenge on a lot of levels. My stomach is doing well, which is wonderful, but I am so frustrated that I'm having so much pain again. Thankfully, my "holiday treat" meds help, but they are so strong that I can't really function if I take them. And it's hard because I was doing so well and not really needing my pills, and now I'm getting worse again and needing stronger stuff. Thankfully, next week will be much lighter, work wise, which will be helpful.
I'm also struggling mentally and spiritually with some stuff. I've been meditating on Isaiah 43:1-3- "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
It's amazing that I am God's - that I'm His child, that He redeemed me. But knowing God doesn't mean that our lives will be perfect. Being God's child does not protect us from having to face terrible and hard things. God acknowledges that we will have to walk through waters and rivers and fire. None of those things is pleasant to experience. But He promised that He will be with us. We will face troubles, but God will not allow them to overtake us, define us, or destroy us. We will emerge from the waters and the fire, and we will not be burned or drowned. We will remain His children, because He who called us is our Savior.
Why don't we need to be afraid? It's NOT because God won't allow anything bad to happen to us. He says "WHEN you pass through the waters," "WHEN your walk through the fire." He is essentially promising that very bad things WILL happen to us. The reason we don't need to fear is because of who God is. He is the God who redeemed us - bought us - and is our Savior. We are His, called by name, and He is with us.