Monday, December 20, 2010

Crash and Burn

Well... so... I was doing so amazing...

Unfortunately, I've sorta had a bit of a crash and burn.

On Saturday, I felt pretty shaky and dizzy during my graduation. Probably wasn't the smartest day to take the lower dose of steroids that day, but that was how it worked out. Sunday I was tired, but okay. Still, every night, my body starts hurting really bad and I can't seem to get back on top of the pain. Last night was no exception, and I couldn't sleep.

I was supposed to work over an hour away from home early this morning, so my dear mommy very kindly offered to drive me. Good thing! This morning, I was so dizzy and nauseated and hurting and lightheaded and exhausted that I couldn't see or stand up straight. Don't tell my endocrine doctor... but yeah, I totally took a bunch of 'roids to get my body going again. And literally ate salt. And then I felt MUCH better. Most amazing of all, God allowed me to survive a long day at work. Oh, and I also ate half a jar of green olives. ;)

So, it is not unreasonable to say that the steroid taper is just not working out so well. I'm going to try again in a few days, but now I'm scared. ;( I mean, I took 1/6th less of my daily dosage every other day. That is a miniscule change. But somehow, my body is not likin' it.

I'm also having issues with the abscesses, I think - feeling like I have a UTI, needing to "poop" stuff all the time, having pain where the abscesses are. But I have no idea what to do, since we are choosing to not treat the abscesses unless I spike a fever.

I am incredibly frustrated with this situation, especially the having to run to the bathroom part. As I've said before, I've had two huge surgeries that were supposed to fix this problem. The surgeons have taken a very relaxed attitude about this issue. They act like it's normal and no big deal that I'm pooping blood and pus from an orifice I am not even supposed to have anymore. I am very frustrated that they continue to minimize my concerns... Dr A just smiles at me patronizingly and says, "This is normal. We need to not freak out about this. It will go away on its own. If for some reason it's still happening after Christmas, then we can talk about it again." I know that this is not normal. It doesn't take a medical degree to know that. And now it's Christmas, and it's still happening. Can't we fix this, folks?!?

At the same time, however, I am extremely reluctant to let them touch me ever again for another surgery. This situation is really challenging, and it's hard for me to have the correct attitude about it. I can no longer trust the surgeons... they have been wrong about so many things, yet they are unwilling to admit that they don't know the answers. And they don't listen to me or trust my judgement when I tell them that something's wrong with my body...

Okay, sorry. Rant is over. I want to be wise and make good decisions to take care of the body God has given me, but I don't want to have anger in my heart towards my doctors. And I am really struggling with that. So, my answer for now was to cancel my January appointment with Surgery. It conflicted with work and I just can't deal with them right now... we shall see what happens and what comes out of this ugly mess. My trust is in God, not my doctors... good thing, or else I would be pretty bitter! I was promised a cure when I started this surgery journey in October 2009... God has certainly taken me down a much different path than any of us would have anticipated, but it has all worked out for His glory and my good.

Hannah ;)

No comments:

Post a Comment