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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Pain Flare

I've written a lot about insurance and stuff lately, which is probably about as much fun to read as it is for me to experience. Sorry! ;) I didn't mention that last Friday, the measurements on the wound were (drumroll, please)... smaller! Even though I spent a few days off Edgar, the wound still got 7 mm smaller, which is simply amazing. The doctor kept repeating how great everything looks and how well it's healing. The nurses can't stop saying how much smaller it is. YAY! I can't wait to see how small it will be tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I'm having a rough time in general. Thankfully, my stomach is doing okay. I have random tummy pains, but it's way better than it was. My muscles and joints, however, have been hurting SO bad for the last week. It's been a while since my pain was this bad. I'm also feeling shaky and very, very tired. I dropped down on my steroids a teeny, tiny bit about 3 weeks ago, so I am not sure if that is the problem. A few days this week, I went back up, but I don't think it made a huge difference.

I am very quickly becoming frustrated that the last week has seen me in bed a whole lot more than out of bed. Feels like I'm taking steps backwards. I know that my body is still having to work extra hard to heal up the wound, and that it's recovering from having 4 big surgeries in the last 20 months. But I was feeling better two weeks after surgery than I feel now. And then there's the whole post-surgery letdown - I'm supposed to be BETTER. I always believe that somehow, surgery will fix my autoimmune inflammatory issues. The pathology on the stuff that they took out in this last surgery showed that my body was actively attacking it - it was very ulcerated and inflamed and stuff. So I was hoping my body would settle down with that angry tissue out. Instead, I think it's decided to try to find new targets! ;)

I saw Dr. Pain and he gave me the green light to up my pain meds if needed. I'm supposed to rest in bed a lot and drink a lot. I know that I'm impatient. I just want my body to WORK so that I can get out and enjoy life and start working again. But that's not what He has for me (at least not this week).

Last night as I was having these thoughts, I began to read Spurgeon's comments on Psalm 115:18. He wrote, "Go on praising Him if He shall take you up to the bed of sickness -- if every limb shall be a mass of pain, if every nerve shall be a highway for a crowd of pains to travel on -- yet still go on blessing and praising and magnifying Him, for this is His due!" Wow. I'm constantly amazed at God's ability to tell me EXACTLY what I need to be reminded of at EXACTLY the right moment. It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't change who God is and what He has done for me. He remains worthy of my worship!

Hannah ;)

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