I went to the pain doctor yesterday, which turned out to be a very interesting and unusual experience. I arrived, signed in, and started reading. I'm re-reading the Lord of the Rings books at doctor's offices this month. On Monday, I was waiting at the chiropractor, and he called me back JUST as Eowyn was being threatened by the Nazgul king... yeah, great timing, chiropractor! Anyways, at the pain dr, the waiting room began to fill, and not a soul was called back. I was called back up to the desk, because apparently they think I have no insurance (see Monday's post for more gory details), so they wanted to copy my card for the 4th time. I also mentioned that three people were standing up because there were no more chairs. I mean, this is the pain clinic! Three people had canes - they obviously hurt and need to be able to sit! So they brought out more chairs. And then, still more chairs as more people arrived. I looked around for a water fountain - alas, there was only an empty water cooler - and I had forgotten my water bottle.
An hour went by (Aragorn, Gandalf et al confronted Sauron at the Black Gate), and one person had been called back. I went up to the front desk and politely inquired about how long the wait would be. The nurse told me that the doctor wasn't actually in today, so the nurses have to take everyone's vital signs and then give them their prescriptions. I thought, don't they take our vital signs and give us the prescriptions every time I'm here? Anyways, eventually (after Samwise rescued Frodo from the Tower of Cirith Ungul) I got called back. There were THREE nurses back there, seeing one patient at a time. So I'm really not sure what the delay was! They took my vitals, then asked me for a urine sample.
"What, you're drug testing me?"
"Yes, what narcotics are you on?" asked the nurse.
Oh. They aren't kidding!
I told her, then said, "Um, there may be a small problem. I don't think I can go."
That morning, I was dumping a bit, so I had to take my meds to slow down my stomach, which has the side effect of slowing down my already dysfunctional bladder and drying me out. I also had not been drinking water. I also just don't pee very often. I tried valiantly, but returned with an empty cup.
The nurse frowned and informed me, "The doctor said we can't give prescriptions without a urine sample."
"I'm really sorry! I didn't know I was going to have to give a sample... Can I come back later?" Then I started spilling my life story. "I am missing seven and a half feet of intestine and I have bladder issues and so I really only pee twice a day. If I drink more, it just comes out my ostomy. I'm really sorry, but I can't go right now, but I can go drink a bunch and come back this afternoon!"
The nurses all stopped what they were doing and stared at me. "Oh, honey, we will just make a note in your chart! We won't inconvenience you, you poor thing! You can always give a sample next time."
Way to milk your issues, Hannah! ;)
Please pray for my sweet friend Patt, my guardian angel on earth. On Tuesday, she underwent her FOURTH surgery for her Crohn's since March. She has had such a terribly tough year and needs all the prayers possible. Please pray especially for good pain control and encouragement for her heavy heart.