Yesterday, I had appointments with Endo Doc and the Urogyn. Endo went fine, she had a PA with her who gave me some encouragement, which was great! It was a quick appointment. She thinks that with my diagnosis of POTS, it's possible that I didn't actually have adrenal insufficiency to begin with... but I am definitely steroid dependent now. It's super complicated to figure out which problem is causing the symptoms, but basically, I know my body and will try to taper my steroids whenever I feel ready.
Then I went to see the Urogyn. I waited for forever to see her, which is unusual. Turns out they were waiting for the ultrasound people to write my report. She came in and asked if I could come back another day. I was already late to where I was supposed to be next, so I declined the opportunity to make the long drive three times in as many week days and said I'd wait. I told her what the radiologist had told me: that there was fluid in my pelvis, but it was just "physiologic fluid" (normal).
She said, "So, what can I do for you?" I was sort of surprised. She said that she wasn't sure I'd ever had an infection, especially since now two tests (MRI and sonogram) have shown no abscesses. I was so confused. Why did I just take a month of hard-core antibiotics?? She said we'd just see how I did without the antibiotics. Or I could go to the hospital and get IV antibiotics. What did I want? I was so confused. She said, "I know you're frustrated; we all are. But I just don't know what to do since I can't treat something that's not there."
She asked if she could do an exam and changed her tune very quickly. She could see all the drainage and was very concerned with what she saw and kept repeating that it was not normal, shouldn't be happening, is fistulizing with an abscess somewhere... She said I had two choices: 1. another Exam Under Anesthesia, like what I did with Dr. Saturday last month, or 2. a small laparoscopic exploratory surgery to try to find the abscess and fistula, clean out infection, and fix the fistula. She said I could think about it and call her.
Then the nurse knocked, saying that the ultrasound was ready. Well... apparently they did find something. A loculated fluid collection (a.k.a. an abscess) in my pelvis in the exact spot where I'm hurting and where my previous abscesses were. So the doctor told me that my choice was now: do I want her or Dr. Saturday to do my surgery? We agreed that Dr. Saturday knows my history and anatomy best, so he would be the best choice.
I called Dr. Saturday... and we discussed several possibilities. He said, "We really want to avoid opening you up again. It would be a big mess. You know what a disaster that would be."
I do, Dr. Saturday, I do.
So... the plan (as of today) is for me to go to Interventional Radiology for a CT-guided drainage of the abscess. I've had this done to the abscess before, back in 2010. It is very unpleasant, but it is much, much easier and preferable to having big surgery. Basically they stick a HUGE needle in through your hip all the way to your pelvis. They go very slowly, stopping about once an inch to take a CT and see how they're doing. There's a lot of "pressure" involved.
Why do I keep getting these abscesses? Why can't they get rid of them? We don't know. No idea. The doctors don't know. No idea. I'm special. ;) My body WOULD come up with a way to have this many abscesses.
My sister and I decided to name it "The Worm That Dieth Not."
I am, of course, less than excited to have ANOTHER procedure, but the Lord has given me great peace and calm about this. I don't even allow my emotions to get involved with this stuff anymore until I know for sure what the doctors plan to do - can't allow the roller coaster ride that "No infection" to "EUA" to "Exploratory laparoscopic surgery" to "abscess surgery" to "CT Guided drainage" creates.
I just keep thinking about God - who is eternal and outside of all of this. None of this was a surprise to Him. He made my body and He knows it better than my doctors do. He brought Isaiah 26:3-4 to mind: "You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts you. Trust in the Lord forever. For the Lord God is an everlasting rock." As I keep my mind and trust fixed on Christ, He promises to keep me in perfect peace. I can trust in Him because He is God forever - He was here before time, and He'll be here after time. This means that His love for me is forever, His goodness to me is forever, His mercy to me is forever... I can certainly trust my future to Him.