So... I'm back in the hospital... back on the floor where I spent a few weeks last spring and a few weeks last summer. Dr. Saturday decided to admit me yesterday for pain control and to get the ball rolling for surgery. I met a new doctor, a gynecologist, who will be doing the surgery with Dr. Saturday. This doctor actually called me personally to let me know that Dr. Saturday had related a bit of my story to him, and that he would be seeing me later on in the day. This is a very personal and unusual touch for a doctor. I liked it. I met him yesterday, and he struck me as a very kindly sort who could have easily passed for a college professor - probably of history or literature or some humanity, I think. Dr. Professor took a very detailed history, and said he needed to "mull things over" last night.
We met again today. We were all hoping that either the MRI, ultrasound, or exams would yield definitive answers about where the abscess is, where the fistula is, and what organs are involved. Alas, there isn't a clear answer to any of these, but it seems quite clear to everyone involved that it is imperative to move forward with surgery.
Surgery will take place on Thursday afternoon. They will open me up, find the infection, excise it, repair the damage left in its wake. It will be a very major and challenging surgery. The difficulty is that the infection also involves the organs of my reproductive system - it's unclear to what extent. They hope to preserve as much of my reproductive system as they can, but also made me aware that this might prove impossible, depending on what they find. This was hard to hear.
I feel very confident that everyone here wants to do what's best for my health. I am comfortable with Dr. Saturday. Dr. Professor's obvious concern for me, caution, and humility have impressed me. After he examined me today, Dr. Professor left the room for a moment. The nurse who was assisting told me, "I want you to know that I've worked here for 12 years, and Dr. Professor is one of the best. He has the respect of every person that he's ever worked with. He is a strong Christian and everyone knows it. He is so dedicated to his patients." This was very encouraging to hear.
I am supposed to start school in less than 2 weeks... not really sure what is going to happen. This is very hard to think about.
Last night, I read the end of Job. It's so very interesting to me how God deals with Job. Job had done absolutely nothing wrong, but Satan asked God for permission to inflict Job with many trials. God allowed this in order to bring glory to Himself. Job asks God what he's done to deserve this treatment, and God eventually answers. God has very hard words for Job. He talks about His power as seen in creation and nature and wisdom. And He asks Job who he is to question God.
It would have been very easy for God to give Job an explanation, to quickly say, "Well, you see, Job, Satan asked me if he could do this to you, so I did... you didn't do anything wrong. This is about ME and My glory, not really about you."
But He didn't.
No matter what God does, I don't get to ask why. I don't get to feel wronged or hurt or angry with His plan. He knows what He is doing, and it's not really about me. It's about Him and His glory. I pray that I can remember this attitude and keep looking at Him.
I'm really blessed by everyone's support and prayers and have even had several visitors! Thank you all SO much! I really appreciate your prayers for me and my family.