The past few weeks have been pretty rough. I've run a low-grade fever constantly, and I've been having quite a bit of pain in my joints and muscles. I am very weak and shaky, so I've been spending most of my days in bed. I've been sleeping like a baby - in quantity, not quality, as I'm still so tired. Most nights, I sleep at least 10 or 11 hours, and I also have to get in another 2-4 hours of sleep during the day in the form of naps! While it's frustrating to be so tired all the time, I am thankful. Just a few months ago, I was in so much pain that I was not able to fall asleep or stay asleep, causing me to very nearly lost my grip on reality. So I'd much rather be sleeping too much than not sleeping at all! I've been able to reduce my dosage on the med I take for sleep.
I've been fever-free since Sunday, and my
joints are improving. I managed to hold off on
taking more steroids, however, and I *hope* that I'm starting to pull out of
this flare! I tried the anti-inflammatory meds for about a
week, but they started making my stomach really upset, so I quit. I'm
hoping that I can stay off the steroids (my face is already starting to
deflate, thank goodness - I look slightly less like a chipmunk!) and
avoid adding a biologic treatment into the mix.
have struggled with my attitude. It can be depressing to be sick in bed.
Over the last three weeks, I can count on one hand the number of times
I've left the house. I've simply been too exhausted to get dressed most
days, much less to drive myself anywhere or do anything. This makes me
feel lazy and worthless because I'm not accomplishing anything. ThenI feel selfish because all I do is lay around. Then I think about
how selfish I am, which means I'm thinking more about myself... which is selfish! So it's a vicious cycle! I need to keep repeating to myself: It's not about ME. It's not about me. It's about God, and His glory. Even if I'm not really sure how God is glorified by me sleeping away most of my days and curled up in bed, too tired to even read when I am awake... it's where He has me right now, and I need to have the right attitude and honor Him with my attitude, with the way I treat the people who are serving me, in praying for others...
Thankfully, however, just as I was starting to feel very sad, God
provided amazing encouragement in incredible way. He is so wonderful to do provide huge blessings at exactly the right time.
One of these ways is that my friend Dennis created Help 4 Hannah,
a website to help with my medical expenses - what a blessing! Feel free
to check it out! I have received an overwhelming amount of support and
it's been insane to see the generosity and care of so many wonderful people!!!! It is unbelievable! I sit in jaw-dropped amazement at God's provision
through this website. Feel free to check it out!